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I Hate Being Disabled (weird format, Sorry)

  I Hate Being Disabled!!! Ever since i was aware of my diagnoses, i subconsciously understood that i was different from the others, even sometimes from other autistic kids in my elementary school. I knew i was different, but that doesn’t mean i like that all of the time. Sometimes, or most of the time i feel, i dislike my disabilities and had wished that i didn’t have them. But, sometimes, i was vibing with my diagnoses since they weren’t causing me problems that wouldn’t have been there if i wasn’t diagnosed. This post is about me processing my life with all of my disabilities and how i feel about them. The most problems came from my autism in my childhood, i struggled a lot with self regulation and my meltdowns couldn’t be hidden nor be nonviolent as i assume i didn’t have the skills to make it so. That was the most visible aspect of my autism, i feel, so i tried to self isolate myself as to not be at risk of hurting someone that i mutually like. And i was secluded most of the d...
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My Autistic Sense of Humour

 I have a very weird sense of humour. Past the, i don't get very obvious jokes and don't laugh as a result of that while i make weird jokes that no one else around me gets and i laugh. To the territory of only laughing at very simple and straightforward jokes. I don't understand majority of the knock knock jokes, that or i understand them after the joke has passed and the hangout is over. I will understand those jokes on the car ride home, is what i mean really.  However, it's weird that i get reference jokes from some history gaming's dude's video. Such as, dirty jokes about the thing that happened on 2001. I know i know, those jokes are not the best to find funny, but for some reason, they make me laugh so much so i have to clamp a hand over my mouth to not laugh too loudly.  Such example of that is my joke about the sun being obviously hot. It goes like this, Is the sun hot or cold? Hot, DUH! Then i laugh my absolute ass off to no reason. It was just that fun...
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I'm Mentally Distracted, Don't Talk to Me

 SchoolRP reminds me about the term, Escapism, where one mentally distracts themselves from the unpleasant aspects of their lives.  This server reminds me of that time, during the COVID Pandemic, where i'd be stuck at my computer desk in the basement of our old home for hours on end. I mean, who can blame me? My school and entire province was on quarantine orders. School existed, yes, but it was all virtual and it could literally be done faster than an average in person school day lasted. Which was 7 hours. Plus, you had breaks in between and you could work on your school work after the learning meeting was done. It all seemed quite lackluster in terms of our old in person schooling schedule.  I would be talking to people, and forgetting all about what was happening in the real world. I didn't want to read the rules nor did i want to see and hear about the latest cases and the quarantine. I like to think my escapism was my way of dealing with it and processing the change ...
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Frustration About not Fully Understanding my Disabilities

I don't fully understand my disabilities and it's kind of frustrating. Because i really want to understand why i am the way i am as a disabled person but i don't really, i understand the baseline stuff of why i got diagnosed with these disabilities but not how they affect affect me. You know what i mean? Anyway, i hope i'll learn more as i grow and i'll be more accepting of myself and my disabilities. Ranting about them won't get me anywhere good in life.
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Ow.....

 I just went to the mall, got lunch and was looking for my book. (It was a reward for getting throw yesterday night).. And i took FOREVER to find myself a good book i like. I even tried to look for this one book that i read in 2020 when i used to live in my old town, and to no avail and to my having an headache that really hurt.  After a good shower, although, it was gone and i went back to being chronically online and writing down this post. But the fact that i had a real bad headache, as well as my mom, that caused us to end the trip to the mall early really surprised me.  I like to think the headache was caused by all of the buzz in the mall, which is what my mom said. But i also like to think that i was swinging focus too fast and my brain couldn't transition in time, multiple times, when i was looking for a good book to take home. Thankfully, i found a good book called Fourth Wing. It's almost like that book i read but not quite the book i read. If only i could remem...
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El Oh El (Unrelated)

 
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Processing Being Told About my Diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder

 I was diagnosed when i was 4 or so, the exact age of diagnosis isn't really known, and i was told when i was a little bit older and might have been able to understand the news of my having autism.  My parents sat me down on the couch one night and told me of my diagnosis, while they used videos of a Canadian hero to drive home the point that autism is a superpower. The guy had cancer, not autism or it was simply speculation. Then, literally, that was it when it came to my having autism. There wasn't any more details. Everything made sense afterwards. I don't think i was able to understand, or connect the dots, whenever i was told but i started to understand why i was put into another school and into this room for the whole day as i grew, or after every single day. And why i was in ABA therapy every half day when i was younger than i was told i had autism. And afterwards, i only saw autism through myself. Meaning that i knew autism made you a bit stupid, for lack of a bette...
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