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My Time at a Social Program

 Yesterday night, i was driven by my mom to this program, it was an autism social skills program with 5, me included, members in total. It had a rough start, but it was not cancelled or we did not miss it entirely. Let me elaborate on my time there.  At 5:30 AM, we walked up this industrial building close to multiple factories and other autism services, and we tried to find the exact door. For a while there, we sat down by a door that had their service's name plastered on the front after i had rung the bell. For a while, nobody answered because we didn't know it then but that was not the correct door, so obviously no one really had reached us for a while. I'm ashamed to admit that it was enough to almost make me crash out, as in have a meltdown, but i was saved when someone walked by and finally recognized me.  Finally inside the place, another member met us and she recognized my mom because she was a worker at a daycare that i went to when i was a baby. The two discussed...
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Boredom Typed This Up.

 kwjlanv ughurhg o8rbtkeyiuyo8es8gye9 e8t y8et8y islygloeyge8tousgto8rg tsygty rfy7OL *Yrty iysGg aehirhgiryytiy t8oeurgh ilurh This doesn't need to be translated; I'm just bored to the point of keyboard mashing.
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UGH

 I’m really frustrated and confused right now, and I don’t know where to turn. I recently found out that my FSIQ score is in the 12th percentile, which I know is below average, but I’m still trying to figure out what that really means for me. I’ve always had cognitive deficits—trouble processing information, staying focused, and understanding instructions—but now that I’ve got the numbers, it feels like everything’s just a blur. I also have a diagnosis of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), ADHD, and a Learning Disability in Mathematics and Written Expression. On top of that, I suspect I may have an undiagnosed Personality Disorder or Mood Disorder, or maybe I’m emotionally disturbed or disabled in some way. Honestly, I have no idea what to think. My medical history is all over the place, and I don’t feel like I have a full picture of my diagnoses. I’m frustrated because I can’t seem to make sense of all these different things. What does the FSIQ score mean for me? Is it related to my ...
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I Hate Being Disabled (weird format, Sorry)

  I Hate Being Disabled!!! Ever since i was aware of my diagnoses, i subconsciously understood that i was different from the others, even sometimes from other autistic kids in my elementary school. I knew i was different, but that doesn’t mean i like that all of the time. Sometimes, or most of the time i feel, i dislike my disabilities and had wished that i didn’t have them. But, sometimes, i was vibing with my diagnoses since they weren’t causing me problems that wouldn’t have been there if i wasn’t diagnosed. This post is about me processing my life with all of my disabilities and how i feel about them. The most problems came from my autism in my childhood, i struggled a lot with self regulation and my meltdowns couldn’t be hidden nor be nonviolent as i assume i didn’t have the skills to make it so. That was the most visible aspect of my autism, i feel, so i tried to self isolate myself as to not be at risk of hurting someone that i mutually like. And i was secluded most of the d...
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My Autistic Sense of Humour

 I have a very weird sense of humour. Past the, i don't get very obvious jokes and don't laugh as a result of that while i make weird jokes that no one else around me gets and i laugh. To the territory of only laughing at very simple and straightforward jokes. I don't understand majority of the knock knock jokes, that or i understand them after the joke has passed and the hangout is over. I will understand those jokes on the car ride home, is what i mean really.  However, it's weird that i get reference jokes from some history gaming's dude's video. Such as, dirty jokes about the thing that happened on 2001. I know i know, those jokes are not the best to find funny, but for some reason, they make me laugh so much so i have to clamp a hand over my mouth to not laugh too loudly.  Such example of that is my joke about the sun being obviously hot. It goes like this, Is the sun hot or cold? Hot, DUH! Then i laugh my absolute ass off to no reason. It was just that fun...
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I'm Mentally Distracted, Don't Talk to Me

 SchoolRP reminds me about the term, Escapism, where one mentally distracts themselves from the unpleasant aspects of their lives.  This server reminds me of that time, during the COVID Pandemic, where i'd be stuck at my computer desk in the basement of our old home for hours on end. I mean, who can blame me? My school and entire province was on quarantine orders. School existed, yes, but it was all virtual and it could literally be done faster than an average in person school day lasted. Which was 7 hours. Plus, you had breaks in between and you could work on your school work after the learning meeting was done. It all seemed quite lackluster in terms of our old in person schooling schedule.  I would be talking to people, and forgetting all about what was happening in the real world. I didn't want to read the rules nor did i want to see and hear about the latest cases and the quarantine. I like to think my escapism was my way of dealing with it and processing the change ...
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Frustration About not Fully Understanding my Disabilities

I don't fully understand my disabilities and it's kind of frustrating. Because i really want to understand why i am the way i am as a disabled person but i don't really, i understand the baseline stuff of why i got diagnosed with these disabilities but not how they affect affect me. You know what i mean? Anyway, i hope i'll learn more as i grow and i'll be more accepting of myself and my disabilities. Ranting about them won't get me anywhere good in life.
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